On 20-something rattling

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I want, in the life kind of way.  Most of me, at least right now, feels like I want a lot.  But I don’t know exactly what I want, or how my priorities stack up.  And then I beat myself up for wanting anything because, you know, why can’t I just be happy with what is?

There’s this episode of Girls where Hannah’s parents remark that Hannah is “rattling through” her 20s, and that is so utterly how I feel.  I’m really rattling.

 

Michael and I counted that today, four and five years out of school, respectively, we've had five different jobs in three different fields.  Throw internships in there -- all the career interests we cast aside -- and those numbers grow significantly.  And our life interests have oscillated, too.  Right now I'm into yoga, cooking and running, but let's not forget when education reform made the cut, or when meditating in an Indian ashram was at the top of my list.  My 20s have become this (sometimes not so fun) game of figuring it out.

 

Sometimes I wish I were just ALL IN for something.  Like my friend Jon, whose passion for acting is so strong he's never had a choice in his career.  Or my yoga instructors, who love yoga so much they immerse themselves not only in the classes, but in the yoga community, too.  Or even friends of mine who prioritize setting up a family.

 

I've never been all in for anything, at least not yet.  And while sometimes I think that's cool -- so many interests! -- I've started to get an itch for figuring it out.  And then I remember that --  hey! -- trying a bunch of stuff is the way to figure it out... and I'm back to square one.

Maybe meditation will help.